I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Thats gotta be it. Also just found out that the fireworks will fit in the airsoft pistols...we are all gonna die
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
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