Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
It was the worst sex ever. All she did was tap on my balls with her hands like she was in a reggae band.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Well, my nose won't stop bleeding from really bad cocaine and my purse is full of plastic gold coins. Also, someone saved in my phone as "tyrannosaurus sex" won't quit texting me. Savannah won. Let's put it that way.
I went to pick my brother up downtown and I stopped at a red light a homeless old man comes up knocks on the window shows me his penis and then screams money
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Hold me and let me compliment your butt
I ate too many pot brownies and passed out topless with my boobs painted like the American flag
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
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