I wish I only lived at night.
I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
will emailing you the 64 kama sutra positions I want to try during the 3 days your here turn you on or terrify you?
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I'm actually not sure I need to run today, between the crazy monkey sex and breaking into my own house.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
Randomize
