Dude, I just woke up on the floor of some random chick's floor with puke in my hair and a posted note on my forehead that said "It's over." Dude I wasn't even aware I was in a relationship...
whispering "taste the rainbow" well having sex isn't my biggest turn on.
Dude she only counts as your gf if you're home. We both signed the fair game contract when we became roommate. So are you really going to be mad or come eat a waffle with us?
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I projectile vomited in his sisters room where the toiled would have been if it were the bathroom.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
Randomize
