i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
you didnt realize it, but you puked in the bushes in front of a church and yelled "GOD IS DEAD"
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
I'm not drinking for the rest of the week. I need discipline, celery, dick, and a bible.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Pornhub is actually a very wholesome website
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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