I don't wanna do a drive in or see a movie tonight. I wanna play some Golden Tee and butt fuck a girl in the bathroom of some bar and proceed with Golden Tee
So I don't think its herpes anymore. Could be a sign of diabetes though. Is it bad that I consider getting diabetes 'dodging a bullet'?
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
