Just once id like a girl to say to me in the dracula voice, i want...to suck...your dick...
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I may only be a second year med student but I feel very confident in calling that a micropenis.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
the only consolation to the fact that i puked in public today was that i did it down a storm drain... so at least i am a responsible public puker
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
A piece of your chipped nail polish just fell out of my crotch.
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