I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
The world would have a new energy source if someone would just take a blacklight to the backseat of that slut's car
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
Randomize
