i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Now one day I will be able to tell my children how a drag queen in a gay bar told mommy that bin laden was dead
you goin out tonight?
who is this.
your orgasm for tonight
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Yeah. You can ask him out. We're just fuck buddies. My vagina will be sad but your heart can be happy.
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
He just flipped the beer pong table and set the ceiling fan on fire things are about to get crazy
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
