can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
she just punched a dude and called him a peasant for not drinking fast enough in flip cup.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
I'd like to thank you for ensuring I didn't die. Id also like to show you the most impressive bruise you will perhaps ever see
My cats name is now jello shot. How much do you love me right now?
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
Im sitting on the floor of the hotel room eating nachos and drinking coffee. People should learn to embrace their hangovers
Randomize
