Ha i know. My vag can't go too crazy for a boy halfway across the country. It doesn't have that good of range
if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
I'm drinkin whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
It was an awkward 3some. I took her from behind while he just made out with her.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
tell her i changed her phone's unlock password to be the length of my fully erect penis in centimeters. I'll be in my room for the next two hours.
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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