Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Moral of the story: If you're gonna throw a glass of wine in a guy's face, don't do it in your own kitchen.
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Absolutely. I could drink and smoke that memory away in a matter of years at my current rate.
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
I'm waiting for you in a manthong right now.
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