they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
well the night couldnt get much worse after she peed all over herself and the sidewalk.
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
girls shouldnt black out with american flag bandaids on their nips
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
She has my name on her bucket list. I’m either getting laid or killed
Randomize
