Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I swear to god he was trying to crawl under my door last night muttering "I'm Alex Mac! I'm Alex Mac!"
you thought your tounge was "malfunctioning" because every time u spoke it wouldnt sit still.
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
As the night goes on these shots are getting so much easier. My liver jst needed a warmup lap.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
Yeah and you keep saying "I know how to win America." While running away from us
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
