The only reason I'm still around is so I can grow a huge Gandalf beard when my hair turns gray
so we told my parents we were going trick or treating. got high as shit at some playground. and then bought our own candy so we looked legit when we got home.
I'm on the bus going to class. And a cop just rolled by and I got nervous because I didn't have my seatbelt on. I have to stop smoking so much weed.
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
Your couch is like an animal shelter for stray drunks.
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
I heard you ran into my sister lastnight. Do you remember making out with her and slapping my uncle?
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
It's confirmed. I have two dates on Saturday, and they are both named Mike.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
