just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
Randomize
