im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I thought I would take a shower to wake me up but now I'm naked wet and stoned laying on my bed instead of just stoned laying on my bed
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
the liver wants what the liver wants
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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