Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
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