youre lurking in front of me
You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
She poured a bottle of rum in the champagne fountain, did like 5 jello shots at the same time, then lit herself on fire. Twice. This is how everyone should turn 21.
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I feel like somebody took my brain out. Stomped on it with cleats. And then put it back together with a glue stick. Thank you.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
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