Okay just took the preggers test..and im NOT! :)
awesome babe! drinks tonight!
Wait does the happy face mean yes? fuck.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
theyre just this beautiful family of functioning alcoholics. i want them to adopt me.
It'd be like medium rare by now.
I love how we're talking about your vagina like it's a piece of meat.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
I forgot if I was chewing my gum or my tongue
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
Randomize
