meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
I don't know how, but he made a bong out of a hamster wheel. To say I am impressed is an understatement.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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