How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Serious question: when you had my right nipple in your mouth, did my nipple ring have both of the balls on it, or was it missing one. Current situation: missing one.
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
You said too many real things and now I need to crawl back inside my protective fort of sarcasm, being an asshole, and sass
My mom found my empty case that I hid in my room and just said "now why don't you be a responsible underaged drinker and throw it in the recycling" and walked away. I'm in shock.
Randomize
