I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
Found a cheerleading trophy in my shower this morning. Explain.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
You need to stop blackout tweeting at him to have sex with you on the roof of your dorm. He doesn't even have a twitter.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
