woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
i never thought it was possible to fit gay, redneck and asian into the same sentence before i met you.
and this wasn't even the first one i'd hooked up with
everybody makes mistakes
i didn't know they allowed you to text in ambulances
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
I think if my mom ever finds out about my nipple piercings I'll just be like "mom, tbh it's a sex thing"
I'm experimenting with sincerity
I threw your vagina at him like a grenade. And sweet Jesus he caught it like a champ
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You now have a new job. Call me around 1pm everyday and make sure I've eaten something. All I've had today is dick and cheesecake.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
Randomize
