you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
Im dancing with my grandma to Low right now at the wedding. There's no coming back from this.
Can you please check on Jay? He just called and left a Backstreet Boys song on my voicemail. Either it's 1998, or someone needs to go back to rehab.
I have 250 contacts there has to be someone sober to take me to taco bell
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
my spring break was before theirs and i literally fed him vodka all week, only stopping for class and bowls. like handles. i cant even think anymore, that chastity belt was hard to get off,
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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