Take xtc, wait 20 minutes and then take a shower. Trust me.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Bro, I just googled 36 year old pussy so when I do see it I won't be shocked.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
Randomize
