the bulge in his pants is not junk. its hair. trust.
I lost control in the snow and hit a parked car. I went into our building to get a pen and paper to leave a note and when I came back the car was gone and there was a hot girl there. I used the pen and paper to get her number.
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
casually drinking alone with your cats. do they like sparks?
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
I was originally going to go as fembot from Austin Powers
I wanted to have tiny guns for tits
FINALLY GOT MY TENTH DICK. PARTY FOREVER
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
I'm pretty sure the cop knew you were drunk when you tried to light your cigg with a chapstick.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
Randomize
