There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
dude, there's a fucking musical in my head. it's fucking awesome being this high.
as we were driving back from the frat house he pulled down his pants and convinced me his penis "wanted some air"
apparently we spent 30 minutes inside that big Nike store turning all of their Duke gear inside out. for some reason the employees didn't stop us.
i dont trust my judgment anymore so im only going to fuck guys who can donate blood at the red cross. they have standards.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I took out the emergency phone in the elevator and replaced it with a bottle of vodka. The game is simple, do a shot for the number of the floor you're going to. Best suggestion box tip ever.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
