my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
You can't have your penis and eat it, too.
pouring popcorn down my shirt before we went to the bar was the best idea ever. it was delicious and convenient.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
So are we just not going to talk about the time I came home to you jerking it in the kitchen?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
Sitting in the dr office she literally looked at my throat and goes have you been having oral intercourse
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
Randomize
