And my dad told him he was a great looking guy. and then added "no homo" after.
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
But you wanna know what the sadest part is? I had to smoke on the way back home cause my mom would be suspicious if I wasn't high after I was supposedly hanging out with you.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
I think I just figured out how to make weed tea in the coffeemaker.
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
