The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
also i tucked his toothbrush in my shirt. why? i dont know.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
The goblet must only be used for good. And vodka. And anything t-pain would be proud of.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
Seriously, come get him. He's not even a person anymore. He's a loud, drunk, cock-blocking wrecking ball.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She came 4 times, called me a god, then made me breakfast. I don't think she is ever going to leave
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
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