video games are the ultimate cock blocker
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
Well if homeless lesbian experimenting divorcée is your new M.O., you're gonna need to start drinking more anyway so if that's what it takes to talk about it tomorrow afternoon, bottoms up bitch
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Randomize
