I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I can't believe I had to convince you to not drink butter.
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
we used the fire extinguisher you had been cuddling with to decorate the cop car while they were inside arresting everyone
BOOTY CALL IN EFFECT, BOOTY CALL IN PROCESS, BOOTY CALL ACCEPTED, AND BOOTY CALL INITIATES FRIDAY NIGHT.
I hate waking up Sunday morning and thinks "how many friends did I lose last night".... Normally it's between 1-5.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
