I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
Just made a photo collage of the girls I've hooked up with this summer. I'm patting myself on my back right now
I don't know what he did but now I'm terrified of mustache rides and it's only movember 3rd
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
So, I never imagined myself puking on the side of the road at 10:30 this morning to Lynyrd Skynyrd but here I am.
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
Somehow, walking in on your drunk mom in a diaper was the least traumatic thing I saw last night
100000% expect a picture of my ass in them
Randomize
