I wish I could teleport
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
I literally have been drunk for three days entirely by myself, the world cup may kill me
He threw me out a window and then threw raw ground beef at us. Normally you'd hate someone for that, but that guy's great.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
Go christen that room with your naked body.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
She can't take shots?!? Literally if I could list that as a skill on a resume I would
Randomize
