Luol and I just scored with two 40 year old married chicks. They dropped us off on the way to soccer prctic. The kids in the back were confused. Call me.
Memo to self- delete texts about butt sex from you before giving my mom my old phone to use.
you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
was it morally wrong to have used his girlfriends makeup after i fucked him?
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
We convinced you to take a shot out of the sponge...there were still suds in it.
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Feels like I ran a marathon last night. A tequila marathon.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
Randomize
