Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
Can you put "designated driver" on a resume?
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
Well, it's hard to say. Last night he puked a perfect circle around him on the floor, and then sat in it insisting it would protect him from the smoke monster. He's was still there last time I checked.
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
I am in the parking lot of CVS in Auburn. I think a truck full of Plan B and regret just arrived.
Randomize
