it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
It was awkward being the only one at the wedding who knows that the bride and groom met when she gave him a lap dance at a strip club
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
He tried to do the do on me last night and my exact words were "stay away from my princess parts. they're renovating."
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Look, he's a hot korean guy with a motorcycle and a great ass. I'm gonna do head-titingly kinky shit with him.
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
THERE IS JIZZ ON MY CEILING. HOW THE FUCK IS THERE JIZZ ON MY CEILING
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