did not feel like going to store to get condoms last night so went to her pantry and got a sandwich bag and a rubberband
did it work?
nope
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
we were on a sandy mattress. i was wearing a sweatshirt with a poodle on it and eating a whopper jr. i wouldn't have fucked me either.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Look you found him on craigslist. You should be happy that he at least HAS a normal looking dick.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
Randomize
