That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
I just realized that I'm gonna have to lower my standards if I want random head.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
Did I at antime last saturday slip away and sign up for a prayer circle?
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
I don't know whether to call the hospital or call the prison first.
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
I've counted four places at work I need to get laid in. Come help me accomplish this.
Hey, I'm your guy
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
It wouldn't be New Years Eve if we knew where we would be at midnight
So, if you were also having sex around 11pm, then we were legitimately being penetrated at the exact same time. That is amazing. We are soul sisters.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
Randomize
