Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
this morning your mother said to me "sorry to have to meet you like this, in my sons bed" later she said "you never know whos gonna be in there. its scary sometimes"
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Im cutting you off tonight ONE boy at a time
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Dude, she got "I party too much" skinny. She looks like a recovering drug addict.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
Randomize
