I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
I got back at him the only way I knew how, by hooking up with the guy he hates from their rival fraternity.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Was I just dreaming, or was there a corpse at work last night?
She was just sleeping.
Is it bad that I'm kind of disappointed by that?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
Randomize
