it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WRONG DAY TO COME TO CLASS STONED!! WE'RE WATCHING BIRTHING VIDEOS!!!!
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
True strength comes from lack of pants
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
i fucked his best friend. once right next door to him. i'm pretty sure that could be called sweet revenge.
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
