YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
It's amazing how hard it it while drunk to not comment "fuck you" on dumb peoples' statuses
Can I just lay in bed and you pour vodka through a funnel in my mouth?
Talked to the dude for a hour . I now know where he lives, his occupation, his goals, his dreams and what his dick looks like.
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
Randomize
