Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Don't worry that pussy is fresh, I'd brush my teeth with it.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
My Grandma made me promise not to drink more beer, so I'm chugging wine.
I miss the good ol days when id just come home from school and thered be a costco size box of condoms on my bed.
my parents really loved me back then.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
He's pretending to be my boyfriend so that my family won't bother us when we sneak off to smoke weed
If you're doing something that makes your best friend lock you in a bathroom you shouldn't be doing it
I just want him to get into an accident where he's horribly disfigured but otherwise fine so he's not so freaking handsome
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