At a place where you lie naked on a big pile of pillows and they feed you lobster. You eat it with your bare hands.
I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
The guy at the liquor store just checked my id and said "oh it's you"
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
we were totes just talking about. huu in the bathbub. 5 girlszzz
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
His phone started ringing when we were pulled over and he said 'hold on, this is most likely more important than you', proceeded to answer it and agree to work sunday, then hung up, looked at the cop and told him to continue.
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
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