Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
This weekend I was almost blinded by a cumshot to the eye, so happy Labor Day I guess
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
