Balcony sex scratched the shit out of my phone. Whups.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
A guy with no shirt on and a eyepatch just got out of the car beside me. After he slammed his door into mine. This is our hometown.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
You understand the drunkenness of my drunkenness
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
well i mean, we just followed them into an alien and astronaut party. there was tin foil everywhere
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
After 25 beers and 3 shots my best friend thought it would be an amazing idea to get his dick pierced. We are on our way.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
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