We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I lost Mario kart three times but I got laid so it wasn't the WORST night I've ever had.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
Wow first he impregnates you then he won't send you the sex tape you made together? Where has chivalry gone?
Oh no. He's definitely text-flirting with me. No straight man over 30 has any other excuse to use so many smiley faces...
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