I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
I'm so high I used the top vent on my dashboard to heat up a cheeseburger
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
I only want to screw him when I'm drunk. Problem is I try to be drunk as often as possible
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
If after tonight I can still walk on my own, take me to another bar.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
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