I think the universe is against us being together. Or maybe it's just god's way of telling me there is a bigger dick out there for me.
He's a good guy, we stopped by his old church.
And you didn't burst into flames?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
Also, fighting a very strong urge to nickname your dick Whitey Bulger, at least for today.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
As you passed out you started to cry and say "Mufasa" over and over again making everyone else cry.
Since I won't be making love with anyone on a bed of roses this year on Sunday I bought a Mustang to fill the gap
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