hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
At least I cut out the pieces of your hair where I braided gum into it last night. Thank me later.
Tonight just feels like one of those I'm going to lose a shoe nights.
We need to tone down the drinking before our 7pm class. I don't remember receiving any of these handouts.
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
Convincing a cop that you have diplomatic immunity is way harder in Dallas than in Serbia. And you get fined for attempted bribery.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
Randomize
