you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
You know you're good at multi-tasking if you can get a lap dance from someone while simultaneously eating a burrito.
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
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